I did an Abercrombie & Fitch order last week because the knees had gone through on my favourite skinny jeans. To be quite honest with you, I’m no longer sure that superskinny jeans are really the best cut for me anymore, but they seem to be the only jeans made stretchy enough to go around my doughy, highly-temperamental post-baby torso (I reckon it fluctuates in girth on an almost daily basis) and so I ordered a load more in the same cut and size.

And some shirts, and a vest top and a cashmere cardigan, and some henley tops, which are in a style called Soft AF, which I took to mean “Soft As F*ck” but then later realised that the AF stood for Abercrombie & Fitch.

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE: I’ve just been back on the site to check and it does say Soft AF! Not Soft A&F! Is this a sneaky little play about with words or did they just not want to bother with the ampersand? It’s not particularly on (wholesome American beach-loving young incredibly good-looking people) brand, is it, to call a range Soft As F*ck? (I’m taking the u out of fuck in case loads of naughty people end up here after searching bad words. It happened once when I did a review on that podcast, My Dad Wrote A P*rno. Even though I took the first O out of porno, I still got loads of dodgy traffic! The mind boggles. Something must have slipped the net…)

I just can’t imagine the people at A&F sitting around their boardroom table and coming up with “Soft AF”.

“What can we call this new really soft and cosy range? Bern? Chuck?”

“How about Soft As Fuck, Carl?”

*Silence*

Then again, maybe they are being all “down with the kids”. I know I am – that’s how I’m aware of what AF stands for in the first place! Check me the F out. I’m lit. When it comes to slang I am queen/qween, yas I am.

Anyway, before you all die of old age and/or feel the need to slowly smash your own face into your desktop, repeatedly, here’s the video. If you’re at work and supposed to be preparing a powerpoint presentation with the Q4 profits and losses then I highly recommend you just watch it with the sound off and skip through it at twenty second intervals. That’ll give you a good idea of what’s going on without getting you fired – it’s not the sort of video you need to listen to, particularly, though I do make some low-level quips that are probably about a two or three out of five on the funniness scale.

Cosy AF Long-Sleeved Henley (I wear size M)*: http://bit.ly/2RHIMtp

Coral Check Shirt (size small)*: http://bit.ly/36GOFex

Blue Plaid Shirt* http://bit.ly/36GOFex

Cashmere Boyfriend Cardigan*: http://bit.ly/2GKmHE0

Grey Lace Cami*: http://bit.ly/31gTMRM

Simone Super High Rise Jean Leggings, I wear a 29R*: http://bit.ly/2RCZJ8j

Grey Super High Rise jeans are here* http://bit.ly/37HDcwL

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